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How much does it cost a pyrate to get a piercing? 

A buck an ear!

Have you heard about the new pyrate movie?

It’s rated AARRRR! 

And do you know why? 

Because of all the booty!

How did the pyrate stop smoking? 

He used the patch!

How much did the pyrate pay for his peg leg and hook? 

An arm and a leg!

What do you call a pyrate that skips class? 

Captain Hooky!

why does a pyrate's phone go beep beep beep beep beep?
because he left it off the hook!

How do pyrates know when they are about to be attacked?
They watch Sea-span!

What do you call a pyrate who poses for Playboy?
A Play-matey

A pyrate walks into a bar with this enormous steering wheel stuck down his pants.  The bartender can’t help but ask, “What’s with the steering wheel?”  “ARRRRGGH,” the pyrate answers, “it’s drivin’ me nuts.”


A little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pyrate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "oh, i can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "but where are your buccaneers?" the kid gets really mad, and says "on the sides of my buckin' head!"

pyrate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pyrate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pyrate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pyrate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pyrate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pyrate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

A pyrate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle.  While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pyrate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth.  This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.  Without giving any thought to the matter the pyrate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!"   The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals.  Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances. The parrot looked disgustedly at the pyrate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!!  Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"

What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
8 Pyrates!

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